The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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