You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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