Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
