THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize