she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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