I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize