saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
