I look better un-naked...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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