In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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