Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Btw I puked in your glovebox
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
