Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize