After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
