I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
