Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
