It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
