how can u be prego again
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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