Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
