I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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