the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
