Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
