Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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