ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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