Her vagina should come with caution tape.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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