Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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