the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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