guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Shame - the story of my life.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
