I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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