So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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