Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
