i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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