tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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