Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
