I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
