me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
