It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
