I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize