You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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