So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
