Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
