we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
