the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
