I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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