these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
