would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize