no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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