You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
