So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
