my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
