The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
