Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
