these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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