Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
