So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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