I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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