ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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