Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
