Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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