Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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