4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
