If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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