Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
