Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
