Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
