1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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