I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize