Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
