I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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