I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
