So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
