The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
