This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I supernannyed him into submission
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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