I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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