I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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