love makes seman taste better
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
