nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
