filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
