I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
