I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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