booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
