since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
