I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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