peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize