I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
