Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
