And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
