Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
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Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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