i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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