So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
