so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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