I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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