My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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