Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
