I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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