Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
sarcasm needs its own font
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
