you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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