i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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