Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
